In God’s eyes, sex is only supposed to happen within marriage. We talked a little bit about this in last week’s post, but I wanted to go a little deeper. Not only is sex only supposed to happen only in marriage, but it’s big part of marriage. Let’s be clear, sex is not the most important part of marriage, but it is important. Below are a few of the purposes of married sex, especially for Christians.
Sex Is a Training Ground forMutual Submission and Serving
Marriage in general is a dance of mutual submission and service. Husband and wife have to work together to keep a household working well. This looks different from couple to couple, but no matter how the logistics of that work out, both husband and wife have to serve one another in order for the family to function. This often means doing something you’re not necessarily a fan of for the sake of the other, among other things.
Sex is another unique arena for husband and wife to learn to serve one another and learn to receive from one another (which some people actually find more difficult). In sexual encounters, in order for both partners to be satisfied, both spouses have to think not only of themselves, but also of the other person’s likes and desires. Additionally, both spouses have to be willing to be served in order for both parties to have a good experience.
This isn’t an easy thing. It often means doing things you don’t prefer for the sake of the other person. It has to include letting the other person know what you want, which can be hard. You have to be vulnerable and allow your spouse to take control and just receive. All of these things can be hard depending on your personality and all of these things are necessary in marital sex as well as married life in general.
Sex Is a Symbol of Oneness
Just as marriage is a physical symbol of the spiritual reality of Christ’s love for the church, sex is a physical symbol of the spiritual and emotional oneness of a couple. Sex is a reminder to the couple that they are one. It can also be a weapon against the Enemy who wants to drive spouses apart.
In Mo Isom’s book Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot, she tells a story about a couple whose young child suddenly died. One of the first things the couple did afterwards was come together sexually. That sounds very odd at first. Their situation wasn’t a sexually arousing one. Quite the opposite. However, the sex was a reminder to themselves and a demonstration to the Enemy that this situation was not going to drive them apart. They were one, no matter what came their way.
Mo Isom says multiple times throughout her book that while Satan constantly encourages us to have sex before we are married, he does everything he can to keep us from having sex afterwards. Satan wants us to misuse our sexuality, whether we’re married or single. He knows the relational bonding that happens when a couple has a healthy sex life. It leaves less space for him to tempt us (more about that below). It also reminds the couple of their oneness and their love for one another, two things Satan isn’t in love with.
Protection from Sexual Sin
Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7 that one of the purposes of sex within marriage is to be a sexual release, to keep us from sexual sin. If you are unable to control your sexual urges, Paul writes, you should get married. It’s better to marry than to burn.
That means that marriage is the only arena in which you can fulfill your sexual desires in a licit way. Your spouse is, biblically speaking, the only one that you can have sex with. If they won’t have sex with you, there’s nowhere else you can go without sinning.
That’s why it’s important for married couples to have sex often. It’s not just about being fulfilled sexually. It’s also one of the ways that you can fight against some of the temptations that Satan will throw your way. It’s much harder for Satan to tempt a sexually fulfilled person than a person whose marriage doesn’t have a healthy sex life.
Now, this isn’t a very romantic truth about marital sex, but that doesn’t make it any less true. God designed us to be sexual beings and he designed sex to take place in a marriage relationship.
God has designed sex, a wonderfully complex thing, to function perfectly within the confines of marriage. It’s a beautiful tool to help bring husband and wife together in so many ways. That’s why the Bible says so much about it. God wants us to use it well.
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