One of my favorite things about studying the Bible and theology is that so often it helps us make sense of our lives. Let’s be real, knowing about the Bible and theology probably won’t make life any easier (actually the opposite is sometimes true). However, when we can look at our lives through a theological lens, often we can start to see familiar patterns that demonstrate how God might be working in our lives. The tension of grace is no different.
My blog post last week focused on the tension between God’s role and our role in our lives. Ultimately, God is in control of all things. However, we are still responsible for taking action in our own lives. This can be kind of messy to think about, but it can also take the pressure off of us. To demonstrate how this works, I’d like to look at three different areas in our lives where this tension often manifests: our relationship with God, our relationships with people, and our work.
The Tension of Grace in Our Relationship with God
I’m going to get really honest here. For the last year (maybe longer?) I have felt pretty dead inside when it comes to God. I’m not angry at God. I’m not super joyful. I mostly just feel numb. I’ve tried engaging in different spiritual practices and mostly I just hear silence and feel nothing. This has been going on for quite some time, and I’d assumed it was my fault. I must not be trying hard enough. I must not be a good enough Christian. There must be something I’m doing wrong or some sin I’m unaware of.
The Dark Night of the Soul
At the beginning of June, I listened to a podcast on the Dark Night of the Soul. As I listened, everything started to make sense to me. I’d heard of the dark night of the soul, but I’d always assumed it mean you were really sorrowful or going through a particularly difficult season. The way this podcast explained the dark night matched what I’d been experiencing: numbness, feeling disconnected, silence, and boredom.
The podcast talked about a book (also called The Dark Night of the Soul) that I decided to read to continue learning. Both podcast and book basically said the same thing: You can’t work your way out of the dark night. It’s something that God causes to remind you that your relationship with God doesn’t depend on you and certain practices.
The experiences and feelings you have of God in those practices is not God himself. He takes the feeling of his presence away to remind you to trust in him and his work, even when you can’t see it or feel it or know that it’s happening. It’s actually meant to draw you closer to God. You choose God even when there’s no immediate benefit. The longing for God manifests in a way you might not have experienced before. You can’t do anything to relieve the Dark Night. You just have to sit it in until God decides it’s over.
Your Relationship with God Is Not Just Based on Your Behavior
So, first off, it’s you’re in the same place I am, know that you’re not alone. It might not be your fault after all. Maybe it’s just how God is working in your life in this season. Secondly, know that it doesn’t depend on you. Your relationship with God, your pursuit of him, is always him drawing you closer to himself. You can and should do what you can to open yourself up to him, but ultimately, it is he who decides how and when and how long you will experience him.
In some ways, that’s depressing because it means you can try really hard and nothing and come of it. That’s my first thought because I’m a very pragmatic sort of person. However, the beautiful thing is that it doesn’t depend on you. You can’t mess it up so badly it can’t be fixed. You can’t fix it either. All you can do is depend on God and his timing and what he will do. It’s actually a beautiful and freeing thing.
The Tension of Grace in Our Relationships
This same tension is present in all of your relationships. There are many things that are out of your control. Still, you are responsible for your own decisions in the midst fo that. Relationships are actually a little bit more messy because we’re now dealing with tension between three parties: you, another person, and God.
What Does This Look Like?
If you’re single and would rather not be, you can and should do what you can to meet new people and put yourself out there. More than likely, God is not going to bring you a spouse if you’re a couch potato who never leaves their house (though I guess the internet makes this slightly more likely). However, just because you try doesn’t mean you will succeed. You can try for years, go on tons of dates, put yourself out there time and time again, and God can leave you single. Conversely, you could give up on the whole thing, stop trying, and then God can bring you a spouse tomorrow. Ultimately it’s in his hands.
This tension isn’t just present for the singles out there. If you’re married, you can try your hardest to make your marriage healthy. You can read all the books and go to all the counseling and do all the things. It might work. At the least, it will probably make you a better spouse. However, you can’t change the person that you’re married to. Only God can do that. You could try for years and nothing could happen. You could give up, and everything could change.
The same tension is true of relationships with kids, your mom, your friends, anyone that you have a relationship with. There are things that you can do to improve yourself and make yourself a better friend, spouse, daughter, brother, whatever. However, there is a limit to what you can do. Ultimately, God is in control of that relationship.
What Does That Mean?
Put simply, it means that we need to have grace with ourselves and with others when it comes to relationships. We need to be gracious to ourselves and acknowledge that we can’t fix other people. You can’t fix a relationship on your own. It takes two to make things right. Sometimes we have to be gracious to ourselves and walk away from a relationship that’s unhealthy and harmful because the other person isn’t willing to work on their piece. It’s okay to do that
We also have to recognize that anytime there is reconciliation in a relationship, its’ a gift of God’s grace. We don’t always deserve it. The other person doesn’t always deserve it either. That’s God’s grace at work, giving us something that one or both of us don’t deserve.
We need to be gracious to other people. Since God is gracious to us, we should return the favor and extend grace to those who might not deserve it based on prior actions. That doesn’t always mean we just kiss and make up, but it does mean we shouldn’t harbor bitterness in our hearts for past wrongs.
The Tension of Grace in Our Work and Accomplishments
Can I let you in on a little secret? You will not always succeed at the things you put your hands to. This is true even if you think God has called you to a certain thing. Great effort doesn’t always bring about great success. You can work hard, go to conferences and webinars and read books and listen to mentors. You can take chances. To the best of your ability you can be wise. You can do your very best. You can follow the path God lays before you. Still, none of that guarantees that you will be successful, at least not by the world’s standards. Your success or failure is ultimately in God’s hands. He will decide if you flourish or flounder.
You can work very hard at building a business or climbing a corporate ladder, or whatever it is. Still, you might not make it as far as you think you should have. On the other hand, you can land yourself in the perfect job or accidentally stumble on a successful business without even really trying. Grace is present in our work and achievements. We often get what we don’t deserve. Sometimes we don’t get what we do.
What We Shouldn’t Do
None of this means that God just expects us to sit around and wait for him to throw something in our laps. We That’s the hard thing. We’re not just supposed to sit on our hands and do nothing. Just because we’re not guaranteed to succeed doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. The parable of the talents tells us that God has entrusted us with the things we have before us: our money, our talents, our opportunities, our relationships, our personalities. He’s given us those things and he expects us to make the most of them.
What We Should
Whatever place we find ourselves, we should do what we find before us. If God’s called us to do something, we do it, working for him rather than our own versions of success. The Bible tells us to do everything as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23-24). Whether what we’re doing is getting us towards our goals (in our minds) or not, we do the tasks that God has placed before us. We hold our dreams and goals lightly, knowing that God can give them to us or keep us from them whether we deserve them or not.
In Conclusion
This awkward tension leaves us in a slightly messy place. We trust that God has a plan, even when we can’t see it. We live in this awkward tension, knowing that God has created humanity to partner with him in this world, but recognizing that ultimately he is in control. The lines between our role and his are blurred and messy and we don’t understand them or see them properly.
Though messy, this tension between our role and God’s is also freeing. God’s grace, God’s work in the world, giving us what we don’t deserve, means that whatever it is, we can’t mess it up. We can’t ruin it. However, it also means we can’t earn anything on our own. It’s also not about us. It’s not about what we do, it’s about what God does through us. The pressure is off. The risk is lowered. So whatever it is that God has called you to, a relationship (or lack thereof), a job, a task, whatever it is that is before you, do it knowing that it’s all in his hands.
Photo by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash