In my humble opinion, February is the worst month (you can read more about my feelings here). You just want winter to be over, but it’s still in full force. If you’re single, February can be a terrible month for another reason: February means Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day means an awkward day where you don’t have any special someone to do something romantic with. For that reason, I’ve decided for the month of February to focus on singleness.
First thing’s first, a little history lesson. Before you roll your eyes and move on to the next thing, you need to know that the history of singleness in the church is actually really important. While today you might feel like the church rubs it in your face that you’re not married, things haven’t always been like that.
Singleness in the Early Church: The Preferred State
Back in the day, at the beginning of the church, singleness was actually the preferred state. There are a couple of reasons for that.
- Paul kind of said singleness was better in 1 Corinthians.
- Jesus was single.
- The early church was persecuted and having a spouse and family to worry about in the midst of persecution wasn’t the best idea.
- Those in the early church expected Jesus to come back at any minute, so getting married seemed a little pointless.
The early church wasn’t wrong about these things. They’re all true and valid reasons for elevating singleness, especially at the time. However, there were also some less than true reasons why the early church valued singleness over marriage. Many of these were related to Greek philosophy and the thinking of the day, especially the idea that spiritual things are disconnected to the body and that bodily functions (including sex) are dirty and should be avoided.
Overtime, singleness became the “first class” position of Christians and marriage was for “second class” Christians. This is the historic reason why the Catholic Church still requires its priests to be single (the beginning of this tradition goes really far back). The problem was that some people who wanted to work for the church (or whose families wanted them to work for the church) weren’t able to remain chaste and single (or didn’t even try). This caused hypocrisy and moral problems for the church leadership.
Singleness at the Time of the Reformation : Why Aren’t You Married Yet?
At the time of the Protestant Reformation (with Martin Luther and John Calvin and all those guys), the pendulum began to swing the other way. The reformers saw how things had gone terribly awry in the Catholic Church. They suggested that everyone get married, that marriage was a better state, and that only a few specially gifted people should remain single.
Their reasoning was this:
- Most people in the Bible were married.
- In the Bible, God’s first commandment to humanity is “be fruitful and multiple”. This can only be done (biblically) through marriage.
- In Genesis, we’re told that “it’s not good for man to be alone.”
- Marriage can be a laboratory where we get to live out the Christian life up close and personal with the people closest to us, who can be the most difficult to love.
- Sex is a gift God created for married people and isn’t dirty or something to be ashamed of.
- Many people don’t do a good job of controlling their sex drive and marriage can help to keep that in check
Once again, all of these things are true. For the reasons listed above, marriage is a good and holy thing that can totally be a part of God’s plan for a person’s life. Overtime though, the church swung the pendulum too far the other way. Everyone in the church was expected to get married. Unmarried ministers were viewed with suspicion. Single people often felt like second class citizens who are probably socially awkward or have something wrong with them because why else would someone be single?
Singleness in God’s Eyes: On Equal Footing with Marriage
The truth is God calls people to both singleness and marriage. He calls everyone to singleness for at least part of their lives. Some people he calls to marriage (and then sometimes he calls them back to singleness, i.e. if a spouse dies). Neither position is holier, more mature, or better than the other. Each relational status has pros and cons (though if you’re single and wanting to be married, it can be hard to see the cons of marriage). Each status has situations in life where its preferable. Both have their own unique challenges.
The moral of the story is this: don’t let anyone look down on you because you are single or because you are married. Don’t think that you’re more righteous or a second class citizen because of your relational status. Don’t make the same mistake the church has made time and time again. Both singleness and marriage have their place in the kingdom of God. One is not better or holier than the other.
Photo by Michael D Beckwith on Unsplash